The hallways are empty and you are just standing there staring outside your window with your breath fogging up the glass. Outside the lights are twinkling and the snow is piling up the sidewalk. It is one of those nights when you should be outside feeling snowflakes fall on your skin, but you hated the cold. So instead, you are just standing there, watching snow from the warmth of your house. Quietly with the lazy fall of snowflakes, you slowly drift off to a peaceful sleep near the windowsill.
Why the eff every time I manage to be relatively happy about school, something just has to go wrong?
=_= I don’t wanna be freaking bipolar, dammit.
Math is a hopeless beech. English is annoying. Bio, I need some luck. The rest of the classes I couldn’t care less about.
Heh, the classes I actually work hard on/give a damn, are usually the lowest grades. What’s up with that?
Moving 4.0 goal to next year. Sorry self for that impossible goal of self improvement. Sorry parents for not being smart enough or not meeting standards.
Whatever. School life is a mess right now. I need to eat something and go play some random games.
Yes, during finals week. =_= I’ll study tomorrow.
It was not my best shot, but still, some EFFORT was put into studying and homework. Which is rare when combined into the same week. Math, I don’t really want to give up on it, so I won’t. Even though I has calculated that the maximum % I will end up with is 87%. I want to actually see things until the very end for once. December of Junior year is a good time to start learning responsibility I guess. It will be hard, but I will try. This week I had studied for bio, it was only two chapters totaling to two hours compared to the all-nighters and the 15 hours others have done for bio, but this is me and it’s something.
I wish I can get all As without trying, but I guess this isn’t middle school or even freshman year anymore. Time to buckle up and crank my game up a level.
Accumulated B’s: 3
Prediction of B’s this year: 2
B’s I’m fighting to change: 2
Oh god. My parents are gonna kill me. I wonder how much more disappointment they can take from me.
I wonder how much more disappointment I can take from myself. Not GPAwise, but the constant habit of making a schedule then ignoring it. I want to carry my plans out until the end.
I know I can’t really promise myself a 4.0 semester, this or next, but I will promise to put effort, bit by bit. Who knows, it might accumulate into something awesome and I’ll become responsible, or it might not. Either way, I will try, because that’s a start. Even if I fail, I can then honestly say “I tried.”
This week I’ve tried. I really did.
One week until shit goes down.
To do list:
Raise 10% in Math. Fix essays and somehow get at least A-, on BOTH 3AP essays. Keep A- in English. Do French orale. Make notecards for History final. Study 5 chapters of bio. Get at least 75% on unit test. Raise 4% in Bio. Fix 0’s. Get 2000 on SAT. Finish birthday stuffs. Get some sleep. ACE FINALS, ACE FINALS, STUDY, STUDY, THROW AWAY SOCIAL LIFE, MORE STUDY, DO MATH, MAKE UP ZEROS. /wrist.
Where the hell did the first semester go? And why am I getting so close to senior’s year? I DON’T LIKE IT.
Finals, the bane of my existence.
Those thousand ships sank.
Those ships that carried millions of ambitions and sweet things
Slowly floated down the ocean floor.
It was almost beautiful.
The ocean was in perfect stillness once again
as if it has already forgotten what treasures
now tangled in the seaweeds.
You will be there of course, with your submarine and scuba gears
and a plan to rescue.
Me and my ship in a bottle, of course, will continue to sail
on and on.